Who knew we’d make it this long?! Just kidding. But, I really can’t believe we’ve been married for 12 years. I am feeling really old. I was never supposed to get this old, but what can you do? We’ve had our ups and downs throughout our marriage, but overall it’s been a really good 12 years. I hope the next 12 years are just as good. The last couple of months I have been thinking a lot about our marriage and the things I’ve learned along the way. So, here’s some marriage advice from yours truly. It is this: DON’T COMPARE….Don’t compare your marriage to someone else’s marriage. Don’t compare yourself as a person to someone else. Don’t compare your spouse to someone else’s spouse. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and when we start comparing ourselves to others what usually ends up happening (at least with me) is that we compare someone’s strengths to someone else’s weaknesses. I have actually had something happen recently that is somewhat funny. I should have known better, but I allowed myself to do the whole comparing thing. One day I was talking to some other wives and they started talking about some of the things their husbands do good. More specifically one of the women started saying her husband was good at helping her do the dishes. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s awesome that they were saying good things about their husbands. But, in my stupidity I allowed myself to start comparing Scott to this woman’s spouse. I told myself, “No fair. Scott hardly ever does the dishes.” As I am writing about this, I realize how dumb I was in my thinking. Scott has so many other things he’s good at, and I let myself be blinded to his strengths, because of one small thing I was judging him by. The more I thought about him not doing dishes, the more ornery I became, and I’m sorry to say I started treating Scott badly. Of course, Scott had no idea why I was being so ornery. The next day when I got up in the morning I was thinking about how unfair I had been to Scott and I realized I needed to stop comparing him to others. Ironically after I had gotten up and had been thinking about what I had done, I went and opened up the Ensign magazine and started reading this article:
Basically the article talks about not comparing ourselves to others, but I felt like it applied to me in that moment. Not only should we not compare ourselves to others, but we shouldn’t compare our spouse to someone else’s spouse.
One thing that Scott is good at is making people laugh. When I first met him I loved being around him because of how happy he was all the time and his talent for making people laugh. He’s always been able to make me laugh. Over the years when we’ve had a disagreement, instead of just jumping right into an argument, Scott will try and make a joke and get me laughing before we start talking about the situation. It seems to make the moment not quite so tense. He has his various things he says to make me laugh, but one of them that I had been thinking a lot about before our anniversary was this (and I really wish you could all witness it, and see the look on his face as he says it. It makes me laugh just thinking about it): “Now, Kristin, I’m going to need you to list the top 25 reasons why you love me.” Mostly I would start laughing and tell him, “yeah right.” Anyways, this year for our anniversary I decided to make that list. I wish I would have done it sooner. I sat down and started writing and I was surprised by how easy it was to come up with 25 reasons why I loved Scott. After I had finished making the list, throughout the day I kept thinking of more things I could have put on that list. Also, after making the list, I began to think back on that day when I was treating Scott badly for not doing the dishes enough. I realized I had let one little “weakness” that Scott had become a barrier so that I couldn’t even focus on the things he does good. It was a really good lesson for me to learn. As for the 25 reasons why I love Scott…well I will keep that between me and Scott, but here’s another little bit of advice. If you are ever feeling like your spouse is not doing enough in your marriage go sit down and make a list of 25 reasons why you love your spouse. Even though I know Scott was joking when he’d tell me to list the top 25 reasons why I loved him, I promise you it is a really good activity to do.