The pic has nothing to do with this post. I just thought I would update everyone on how Keaton is doing. It’s actually been a really tough week for the little man. Last week they put a cast on his left leg. They were doing the casting along with the botox, because the botox is supposed to loosen up his leg, and then they cast him and hopefully get his leg stretched out a lot and loosened up. Well, they put the cast on him and from the minute we got home, he complained about that cast. I kept checking his toes to make sure he was getting the circulation, and it wasn’t too tight and his toes were fine, so I couldn’t figure out what his problem was. He kept telling me it was “tickling.” It turned out to be a horrible week for both of us. He cried so much and I didn’t know what to do, and he was just miserable. When it was time to take the cast off, he was super excited and after it was off, the bottom part of his shin was noticeably red, and swollen and the bottom of his foot had sores on it. So, then the next day we were supposed to take him in to get his second cast on. He was understandably upset, and was crying all the way to the appointment. In the waiting room he was still mad, but at least sat still. The therapist called Keaton’s name to go back, and I stood up and picked Keaton up, and he started punching me, and trying to get away. The therapist checked out his leg and couldn’t decide if she should put another cast on him or not. She finally decided to put another one on and put extra padding on all the sore spots. But, the bad news about all this is that Keaton’s leg is extremely tight. It hasn’t loosened up at all. The therapist said she was putting all her weight on him to try and bend his ankle, and she only got his ankle to neutral. Even with the botox, he’s still super tight. So, it’s frustrating. I don’t know what the next step is. The therapist mentioned maybe a heel cord lengthening, which involves surgery or a rhizotomy (also surgery). It was depressing. I hate the thought of having to do the whole surgery stuff. Then, earlier that day we went to Keaton’s eye appointment and that was all bad news, too. The doc asked me if his eyes were crossing with his glasses on and I told him I didn’t think they were, but then they measured his eyes with his glasses on and his eyes are crossing really bad. I felt pretty dumb, because I haven’t noticed it. How could I not notice that?? So for now they are trying a stronger prescription and if that doesn’t work???—You guessed it, eye surgery. I came home and was somewhat upset. I can’t stand the thought of them having to put Keaton out for surgery, but I guess you do what you have to. So, yeah, it’s been one of those weeks….You can’t have good news all the time I guess. It’s just another bump in the road and we’ll get through it. Just maybe keep your fingers crossed and we can avoid surgery. I’m not too hopeful though. I think we are headed straight for a looooooooooong crazy surgery road. Just wish us luck….or kiss a fish for us.

I had to tell about accident prone Berkley. I have been trying to potty train him, and he’s been doing good, but the other day, he went running in to use the bathroom and tripped on the bath mat and smacked his head on the bath tub. It left a huge bruise on his head. So, we go walking into church yesterday and on our way to sit down, a couple people commented on the bruise on his head. I hate it when my kids get hurt like that, because first of all it’s just scary and it was one of those times where you see it happen and you feel sick to your stomach, because you aren’t sure exactly how bad it is, and I also hate it, because you never know what other people are thinking when they see it. Anyways, so we make it to our seat in the chapel, and I was putting my bag down on the bench and Berkley had gone and sat on the bench in front of us. He stands up on the bench, and I looked down at my bag for just a second, and Berkley nose dived over the back of the bench onto the ground. It made a loud sound, and I ran to pick him up. He didn’t even cry. And, I don’t think it hurt him too bad, but then later Keaton needed to use the bathroom. So, I take Berkley with me, because he’s really starting to stress me out, and I was thinking I wanted to keep an eye on him, so he doesn’t fall anymore. So, we go into the bathroom and we went into the handicapped stall, since it’s big so all we can all fit in there. Well, the toilet was too tall for Keaton to stand and pee, so I had to have him stand on my feet so he could reach, and Berkley of course starts going crazy, and running back and forth in the stall. The next thing I know I hear a big crash and I turn to look and Berkley had just ran head first into the wall. I was about to cry. I think He needs a helmet. This time he cried, and there was another nice bump on his head. I grew up with 4 brothers, and I know boys can be crazy, but I swear it seems like my kids have taken it to a whole new level. One day I think I will do a blog post about all the crazy stuff my kids have done, but I don’t have time right now.

These 2 extremely cute little boys celebrated their birthdays this past week. Jaxon is 7 and Berkley is 2. After Jaxon’s birthday party, he came and told me, “Mom, now that I am 7, I can carry Berkley around.”

So, tonight I was sitting here wondering where the time goes. It seems like Jaxon was just born, and I loved becoming a mom. Nothing else even compared to it. From the moment Jaxon was born he was on the move. He crawled at 5 months old, and was walking by 7 months. At 10 months he spent a week in the PICU because he woke up one morning and couldn’t walk anymore, and not only could he not walk, but he couldn’t even hold himself up next to furniture. The doctors all suspected it was a virus called Guillan Barre virus, but the tests they ran on him weren’t conclusive enough to know for sure if that was really what he had. So, he was pretty much paralyzed for a week, and it was a horrible thing to watch. They put an IV in his head. He had 2 different spinal taps done, CT scans, MRI’s, and a bunch of other stuff. I can’t even remember all the stuff they did to him. They were about to start him on some gamma globulin (I think that’s what it was) treatments, but before they ended up starting that, he began to get the strength back in his legs and little by little he began to walk again. That was one of the most horrible weeks of my life. Jaxon became a big brother when he was only 14 months old (ha ha ha….I put 14 months old, but he was really 16 months old. I think I am going crazy), and ever since then he has had a huge responsibility. And the responsibility increased even more when we found out all the stuff that was wrong with Keaton and Parker. I remember sitting in my room on the floor crying and crying one day. I couldn’t stop crying, because I was so upset about Parker and Keaton’s health problems. It was so difficult to swallow all of that.  I was trying to accept the challenges that had been placed before our family, but that night, it all became too much for me and I just cried and cried. I didn’t know what to do, but after I had been crying for a while, little Jaxon came in my room. I think he was only 3 years old at the time, but he came over to me and put his arm around me and said, “it be okay mommy.” And he was right. Even though things weren’t turning out how I had imagined them, everything really was going to be okay. But, I remember being amazed at the huge responsibility he had. Not only was he trying to help his brothers out, but he had to take care of his extremely unstable mom.  He’s such a good boy. He can be crazy and wild like most little boys, but he really is just an amazing little boy. He can draw these amazing pictures. I think he’s going to be a little artist. He’s been such a good example for his younger brothers. I’m so glad we have him and that he’s the oldest. He helps me out a lot.

Then, we have Berkley. I got pregnant with Berkley right after we found out Parker had arthritis, and Keaton had cerebral palsy. I was sooooooooooo stressed out about everything with him. The tiniest little thing that didn’t seem right, I would pretty much panic. Mostly with Berkley I just remember being scared about everything. I think before he came down here to be with our family he was plotting against me in heaven. I think he thought it would be fun to scare me a little. Right after he was born he got an infection in his umbilical cord stump. It wasn’t bad, but I of course panicked. Wow, did I get stressed out about every little thing. Then, when he was 2 months old, he got sick with bronchiolitis, but I was so sure he had RSV. I kept taking him back into the doctor. I think I didn’t sleep at all for 2 whole days. I was so scared he was going to stop breathing in the night and I wouldn’t know, so I sat up with him and did what I could to help him. Then, when he was 4 months old I couldn’t get him to push on his legs or use his legs at all. After seeing what happened with Keaton, I totally convinced myself that he had cerebral palsy and couldn’t use his legs. He never did stand on his legs until he was 7 months old, and I can’t tell you how much I worried and panicked about that. I would take Berkley with me to Keaton’s PT appointments and have the PT look at him and see what she thought. And, the PT did think it was weird that he wouldn’t use his legs. I think he was just super laid back and was happy to lay on the floor. But, I would lay awake at night so convinced that there was something wrong with him, and I wouldn’t be able to sleep at all. And, on top of all of that, when we went in for his well child check-ups, his head began to start measuring unusually large. It just kept getting bigger and bigger and the doctor seemed pretty concerned, so I asked him to please tell me what it meant and why it was such a big concern. He mentioned things like hydrocephaly (I think that’s what it’s called) and that it might be a tumor, so they would need to do a CT scan to see if there was something wrong. So of course, once again I completely lost it and panicked. We got the CT scan done, and the results came back normal. I remember I didn’t even know how to react when the doctor called to tell me everything looked good. I thought for sure they were going to say something was wrong, and I kept waiting for them to call me back to tell me they got Berkley’s scan mixed up with someone else’s and there actually was something wrong. With each of my kids I have gotten pretty stressed out when they got sick or they got hurt, but Berkley was a whole new level. I’m surprised I didn’t have a heart attack. I took him into the doctor for EVERYTHING. After he turned 1, I think I finally started to calm down a little bit. But wow, that was all so stressful. Mostly that’s what I remember about him as a baby…..pretty sad, I know. There was one good thing about him as a baby though, and that was how cuddly he was (and still is). Sometimes he just wants me to hold him and he’ll sit and cuddle with me on the couch. He’s such a cutie. He’s already talking in sentences, and not just short 1 or 2 word sentences, but long sentences. Today he was playing with his brothers and cousins downstairs and for some reason they all decided to go upstairs, and Berkley stood up and said, “Hey guys, wait for me!” He also will come say to me, “I want to watch (a) TV show.” Anyways, even though I was extremely tense when Berkley was born, he was really good for me. It’s kind of ironic, but when I would get so upset and scared about everything, the only thing that could calm me down was to go pick up Berkley and just hold him in my arms. Here I was so stressed over this little baby, but at the same time holding him in my arms was exactly what I needed to keep me somewhat sane. I’m so glad we have him. I really can’t imagine our family without him.